But whether this is need or want, I’m not sure anymore.
what I am sure of is, the undeniable way our bodies fit together
(the arch in my back leaves just enough space for your big tummy.)
I’m sure of your genuine intention the first time you took me to class
(I was wearing my favorite outfit, & confidence allowed me to pretend like I didn’t know you were very cute and very, very bad.)
I think that made you just a little bit nervous.
I wonder who I would’ve met if we never did
I wonder if I would still be alive, or speaking to my mother
because lets face it, these things were possible because of you.
I wonder if someone else would be wearing your old hat, & I wonder if I would’ve spent my 18th birthday alone.
I wonder if you would’ve seen your father more before he left, or if your sister would’ve gotten an A on that plant cell assignment
I wonder if you would’ve found a better partner for beer pong, or a girl who knew how to say ‘you’re so annoying’ in a way that you knew it meant ‘I love you’ better than I did.
I don’t want to wonder about anything anymore. I know what happened. I know I can’t get it back.