Month: April 2015

All Stories

I am done with the rights and wrongs

there is nothing left for me to give to you

there is nowhere else to go

we have reached the ceiling

and we are too scared to admit it’s time to climb down alone.

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Home is a very flexible word
I place in my best friend’s heart, a house
He keeps it warm and leaves blankets for me when I am cold
Home is my father’s scruffy beard and his pot belly and his gigantic bear hugs
Home is my little brother’s laugh
Infrequent but lovely, a sound I would do anything for
Home is the space between my kitten and me on a rainy night
Snuggling for warmth
Home is my old house that breathes history and loved ones and sleepovers and life.
Home is a very flexible thing
Home is not a singular place for me
Home is where I can leave my heart, a dear part of me
And knowing when I return, it is completely intact.

I saw a photograph today

and it broke me down

you know what I mean?

It reminded me of what I’ve wanted all my life.

Memories and life.

Breathing fresh air like it’s my last and truly appreciating it.

I want the broken glass in the standing mirror.
I’ll remember kicking it by accident stumbling in one night.
And knowing we can’t replace it
But it’s ok
I want our mattress on the floor
Knowing we spent the money saved for the bed frame
on groceries and food for the cat
And that is perfectly fine.

I want the tiny night stand we use as a dresser
And the huge rail we found to hang our clothing
Because his dresser couldn’t fit in the car when we left
I want that experience, because that is who I am.

I am not a new home with decorative pillows.
I am not a spotless living room with a shag rug and matching wall art.
I am not a leather couch with a plastic cover.

I am the light shining in on a Sunday morning, the rays of sun on your face
I am the shitty ottoman we leave in our kitchen
So he can sit and keep me company as I cook
because we don’t have a dining room set.

I am life at it’s beginning
I am a beautiful struggle
I am life when love is all you see around.