Month: October 2015

Digging Deeper

To an outsider
my nails are painted lilac
they are trimmed short and modest
my hands, they look soft and uncalloused
feminine

The untrained eye
does not see my tarnished skin
they do no know of the clawing I have done against these walls
persistence marks my efforts to stand tall while alone
a position I have known most of my life
they are black, you see.
my nails are splintered, fragments of what is left of my strength
it is a battered journey to become what you want
and I will welcome blood long before I welcome defeat

There are so many obstacles in your way and sometimes they are the hardest things to overcome.
Keep going.
Claw your fucking way until your fingers bleed.
And when everything seems like maybe it’s not that bad and maybe you were over reacting, believe yourself and keep pushing.
Believe you knew what what best before a lapse of stagnancy overcame you.
You are strong and FULL of fire.
Do not let it burn out.
Do not give in to what obstacles are being thrown at you.
Allow yourself to live, as soon as possible.
Happiness will follow, I promise.

October 18th, 2015

I will never call you on your birthday
but I bet right about now Tracy is making you laugh
as the candles on the cake illuminate your face
I know you will smile.

I wonder what you’ll wish for
a new pair of shoes
a better job
a man.

I am at the bottom of your list
but I will still waste my birthday wish on you
every year anyways.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Mel

I.
How can something so cruel still look as beautiful as her?
she makes loveless look so soft
she made sanctuary feel like madness.

II.
Sweet honey & green tea
that was the color of my mother’s eyes
they shone like amulets
worthy only of Cleopatra herself
I thought she was worthy
Of her melanin-kissed skin
and her voice, all songbirds and lullabies
All curly tresses and coffee stained books

III.
My eyes were clothed with admiration
For a woman who raised me like a machine.